Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Another "R" word...

"R e g r e t"

I arrived at the hospital just moments after my dear friend's father took his last breath.  She sat at the edge of the hospital bed, the winter air chilling the room from the slightly opened window.  It had been a long fight...a battle against a disease that only ravishes its victims...yet she felt as though there was something more she could have done.

Reality escaped her as her emotions carried her away.  She believed with all her heart that it wasn't time for her dad to die and that if she had been at the hospital when he took a turn for the worse, she may have been able to help him hang on a little longer.

I wondered...why my friend felt as though the responsibility to keep her dad alive had been placed solely upon her shoulders?  Why did she feel the need to keep him here instead of releasing him into the arms of God?  Her father was 85 years old and dying of incurable cancer, which despite progressive medicine and a good fight, didn't relent.  This man was suffering terribly, yet he fought to remain strong when his daughter was present.  I wondered if he pushed himself this way to show her that he was willing to fight to stay alive not for himself, but as a selfless act of love for the daughter who wasn't ready to let him go.  I wondered what, if anything had been left unsaid or unresolved between them.  I found it interesting that (although the daughter would have wanted to be by her dad's side until the very end) her dad slipped away when she wasn't there.  

Sometimes it's hard to let go.  Some of us are born fighters, and sometimes that is what keeps us going -- even keeps us getting up every day to conquer what lies ahead.  However, sometimes we fight and lose...we lose a battle...and we also lose sight of a bigger picture...a purpose...a plan.

Nobody knows just when their last breath on earth will be taken.  
God does!  

Sometimes things are out of our control.  Sometimes we need to accept the inevitable.  There truly was no way my friend could have saved her was time for her to let go.  We must let go and allow our loved ones to freely enter God's eternal home.  It is in His timing and as much as we might feel we have lost the fight, we haven't...a battle maybe...but the real fight has been won for us by Christ.  In Him we have victory.  

That last breath is not the is the breath of eternity!  

It is only when we release those whom we've been fighting to keep here in our earthly grasp, will we truly exhale!

(written by Lorraine Brown/ (c) 3/15/06)

Walk away from the enemy,
Run if you can,
Just when you think he’s left you,
He’ll be back again.

He wants to make you worry,
He wants to make you sad,
He’ll remind you of mistakes you made,
He’ll make you feel so bad,
Walk Away -- That’s right, walk away!

If you stay there and listen,
He’s sure to make you pay,
For the sins you committed,
He’s sure to wreck your day.

Now turn your back on him,
He can’t hurt you though he’ll try,
But you’ve got the power,
To expel his dirty lie!

His name isn’t pretty,
Neither are his ways,
He sits on the sidelines
Tryin’ to wreck your days…
His name is Regret…
His mission is the same,
Regret! That’s him...Regret!

There’s a better name that waits for you,
A name you’ve heard a lot
He’s someone you can count on,
His name is God...
That’s right…it’s God…that’s right!

Walk away from regret,
He’s already lost,
A long time ago
When Jesus paid the cost,
Walk away! That’s right…walk away!

Hang on to the truth,
The truth won’t leave
If you grab the hand of God
If you really believe!

God will never leave you,
He will always be there,
He already forgave you,
He always cared!
That’s God…That’s right…That’s God!
Hold tight…to God…Hold tight…
So right…It’s God…So right!!!
 (written by Lorraine Brown (c) copyright 2006)


The Mom Chef said...

You know, my Dad's 85. My heart closes up tight when the thought of him going even touches me. See, I'm already tearing up. I have a friend whose father did the same; died while she was home showering. Odd thing was that the hospital logged 8 entries in the door at the end of the hall moments before he died, but no one came in. They're convinced that angels came to take him home.

Teresa said...

Mmmmmmmmm...I exhale and sense the burdens of regret finally leave. This would be highlighting the fact that I would be the 'Master of the Obvious'...but I will say it anyways, "You are an amazing, eloquent, incredibly beautiful woman who has been so anointed and called to write!" Wow, Lorraine! I am wow'ed by our God as you reveal Him with beautiful grace!

mangiabella said...

Teresa couldn't have said it better....your ability to articulate these powerful emotions is indeed truly annointed....I was completely absorbed in your story telling and pondering all that it continue to regrets! On the other side of Glory, I will not be the least bit surprised to see all of your poetry elegantly framed and displayed on God's celestial wall

Anonymous said...

The rhythms of breathing have so much to teach us about life and eternity. The simplest actions and movements can be so difficult. Tightening the chest. Letting go.

Grace moves. And I hear it moving here in your words, Lorraine. Keep moving, friend.

Warren Baldwin said...

Wonderful poem on regret, esp coming at the end of the post about your friend's dad passing. What was the unspoken thing between them? I think we probably all have some regrets, and I don't know what can be done about that accept to forgive others and to receive their forgiveness as well, even if it isn't stated. Moving post.


Gina said...

Your writing is so beautiful and powerful. I could only imagine the moment he left. We had so many of these types of life altering losses in our family. Even though we know something better awaits, it still doesn't make it easier to say good-bye. I hope you have a wonderful restful weekend!

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

What a truthful poem! A great teaching all its own.

What a painful "letting go." You're so right... sometimes we need to be OK with letting go, especially when we know that God is waiting for us on the other end.


mary maxam said...

Thank you for a difficult and thoughtful post.

Deborah Ann said...

Beautiful, Lorraine. It reminds me to fully embrace each and every day. And when it's all said and done, if we can look back with no regrets, then we are truly blessed...Love you, my dear sister in Christ!

Janette@Janette's Sage said...

You said it so well. I am just here nodding my head. We only see in part, why would we want to hold a love one back from heaven, yet we hold onto what we can see?

May your friend have the peace that passes all understanding and may she rest in the promise that God is the one who numbers our days.

The poem..well I needed that this morning...Satan was speaking all those lies...and regret came in with a mighty blow. Then I started to quote God's word..casting all anxiety upon Him and I fled from regret.
Thanks and blessings this wonderful Sunday morning.

Brenda Lazzaro Yoder, said...

Thank you for this lesson we entertain after the death of someone...regrets....I remember after my mother in law suddenly died, I remember regrets...she lived her life that when she died, there were no regrets. It challenged me to live intentionally, every moment. Thank you for the reminder.

America's Next Top Mommy said...

You are a wonderful and talented writer!! I came over from Katherine's Corner (blog list) and am so glad I found you!! Will definitely follow you! Would you be so kind as to follow me to?

Also, have you ever heard of a website called Scribofile? It's a place for writers to go and submit works and critique others work, get support and inspiration too. They have a whole section on poetry. I bet you'd be fantastic! I've been getting some great advice and support over there!

Anonymous said...

I think we all suffer with regret at someone's death bed. The pain slowly ebbs away as loving memories bubble to the surface.

Chris said...

Hi Lorraine, what a beautiful post. Thanks also for the poem. I'm sure your friend is comforted by having you in her life. I have recently found your blog and am now following you, and will visit often. Please stop by my blog and perhaps you would like to follow me also. Have a wonderful day. Hugs, Chris
I have recently found your blog and am now following you, and will visit often. Please stop by my blog and perhaps you would like to follow me also. Have a wonderful day. Hugs, Chris

Pamela said...

Such a precious post. My daddy is my hero and I know it will be hard when his time comes to step into heaven. I hope I have a friend like you near when I need to walk this path. Your poem is beautiful and touched my heart. I'm holding on to God!

Deborah said...

Oh Lorraint this was a beautiful and comforting post!
How right you are my friend!
Tears, tears, tears.
Im speechless.

All my love,
Deborah xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxo

Mommy LaDy Club said...

Found you at Katherine's Corner and I'm glad I did. What a profound post and thought-provoking. And the poem is beautiful.


Teaming together for blog performance!

A multi-dimensional life said...

Thank you all so much for your kind words.

Betina, it's nice to meet you!

Katherines Corner said...

Lorraine this beautiful post is filled with faith and I appreciate every word written. Your friends sense of regret is sad. I pray she does not carry this feeling of regret with her but instead gives her burden to God. xo

Elisabeth said...

Lorraine, your poem is beautifully written, and your post, as well.
When we do not want to let go, and not realizing that our loved one is ready and is holding on just for our sake is a "selfish and cowardly" act on our part.

We do not want to let go for our own selfish reasons...knowing that there are things that not have been sad; well, at that point it is REGRET that is painful and even worst than not being there at our loved one's side when they quietly slip away!
My dear departed father slipped away just after he turned 65 and was ready to retire and enjoy his leisurely life moving to Florida to be near us. An inoperable brain tumor took him within 10 wks. I was in the same situation as your friend...I can still remember that very day, exactly 25 years very sad; No more regrets.

Your poem has brought tears to my eyes, and the words are still ringing in my ears!
Thank you for your beautiful words of wisdom and your amazing poem.

Lizzy said...

So well said...we must hold tight to God and let Him guide us. I know you brought great comfort to your friend...with your words and compassion. xo

Brenda Lazzaro Yoder, said...

What beautiful words Lorraine! You have a gift with words! Thank you for sharing!

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